The catchphrase is "Keep delicious Dairybelle cheese."
What the hell does that mean?
And it's delivered by a truly awful actress whose voice fades half-way through the spot. Where the hell did they find her?
"Keep delicious Dairybelle cheese."Sheesh.
Sounds like it was written by a first-language Afrikaans copywriter.
Words fail me.
9 ass-suckings.
December 13, 2006
Zoot...or "Just how dumb do they think we are?"
Zoot. Who knows what the hell the word means?
In this context it means "A lame attempt by someone who thinks the South African consumer is a moron."
Zoot's spots feature a whole bunch of products marketed by local "celebs", the most recent being the Soda Stream machine with has-been model Michelle Maclean.
Now I'm not against celebrity endorsements - except maybe the George Foreman grilling thingy. Come on people...it's a flat-bed griller at an angle. Use an uneven table and you have the same concept.
What I don't like is being treated like an idiot. Now Michelle and the useless, obsequious hostess of that spot plus the agency responsible for the spot the try to treat me like an idiot.
They hard-cut the spot to make it look like it was filmed guerrilla style (ie on-the-fly), but it's not. Then they tell you it's not scripted. Sure, buddy....and I have a bridge to sell you too.
"Not scripted" doesn't not mean "not prompted". I can see it now.
Director: "You! Obsequious annoying hostess chick! Ask Michelle about how the kids love the Soda Stream. And Michelle, when you answer, make sure you use the words 'tasty', 'delicious' and 'everyone should have one'."
Oh jeeze. We all know Ms Maclean got paid a ridiculous amount of money for that fiasco. Why not just have an ad where Michelle Maclean comes out and says "Buy a Soda-Stream. It's cool."? Trying not to con your customer is a good thing. Trust me on this.
Oh and the Soda Stream is a great product. Pity they have such an awful advertising campaign.
4 ass suckings with an extra one each for Michelle and the boring hostess chick.
Total: 6 ass-suckings.
In this context it means "A lame attempt by someone who thinks the South African consumer is a moron."
Zoot's spots feature a whole bunch of products marketed by local "celebs", the most recent being the Soda Stream machine with has-been model Michelle Maclean.
Now I'm not against celebrity endorsements - except maybe the George Foreman grilling thingy. Come on people...it's a flat-bed griller at an angle. Use an uneven table and you have the same concept.
What I don't like is being treated like an idiot. Now Michelle and the useless, obsequious hostess of that spot plus the agency responsible for the spot the try to treat me like an idiot.
They hard-cut the spot to make it look like it was filmed guerrilla style (ie on-the-fly), but it's not. Then they tell you it's not scripted. Sure, buddy....and I have a bridge to sell you too.
"Not scripted" doesn't not mean "not prompted". I can see it now.
Director: "You! Obsequious annoying hostess chick! Ask Michelle about how the kids love the Soda Stream. And Michelle, when you answer, make sure you use the words 'tasty', 'delicious' and 'everyone should have one'."
Oh jeeze. We all know Ms Maclean got paid a ridiculous amount of money for that fiasco. Why not just have an ad where Michelle Maclean comes out and says "Buy a Soda-Stream. It's cool."? Trying not to con your customer is a good thing. Trust me on this.
Oh and the Soda Stream is a great product. Pity they have such an awful advertising campaign.
4 ass suckings with an extra one each for Michelle and the boring hostess chick.
Total: 6 ass-suckings.
December 05, 2006
Solati Sugar...WTF!?
So this one is a radio ad...and basically it's 30 seconds of agony.
First crime: using a Cape Town "coloured" accent...actually that's not event fair. It's a gam accent, used by lower working class people of colour from the Cape Flats.
"Jy, my bru. Die Solati is lekker op my tong!"
Now what the hell that accent has to do with the product, God alone knows, but there you have it.
Second crime: To illustrate how "The sweetness lasts longer" (Solati's payoff line), they sing out...no, hang on. That's not right. Caterwauling is more correct. They yowl the word "Sweet" in staggered unison, creating this whining cacophony that causes me to see red.
I have no idea what the hell the creatives (and I use the term loosely here) were thinking. This ad is amongst the most irritating spots on radio, and I turn off the sound as soon as I hear it. I can't imagine that it's done any good for the product or dented the Hullett's brand.
This ad gets 7 ass-suckings.
First crime: using a Cape Town "coloured" accent...actually that's not event fair. It's a gam accent, used by lower working class people of colour from the Cape Flats.
"Jy, my bru. Die Solati is lekker op my tong!"
Now what the hell that accent has to do with the product, God alone knows, but there you have it.
Second crime: To illustrate how "The sweetness lasts longer" (Solati's payoff line), they sing out...no, hang on. That's not right. Caterwauling is more correct. They yowl the word "Sweet" in staggered unison, creating this whining cacophony that causes me to see red.
I have no idea what the hell the creatives (and I use the term loosely here) were thinking. This ad is amongst the most irritating spots on radio, and I turn off the sound as soon as I hear it. I can't imagine that it's done any good for the product or dented the Hullett's brand.
This ad gets 7 ass-suckings.
NEDERBURG - or I'm a pretentious smug ponce with a wine farm...
Nederburg currently has a campaign running on television. I've seen two of the ads but I fear there may be more. Both grate my nerves.
The first shows some smug quasi-Mediterranean gent who sneaks into his cellar and samples the wine, while spouting some ridiculous babble about grape-fermentation not being a nine-to-five job and mother Nature needing someone to keep an eye on her.
The guy just looks like a lush who drinks on the sly and is trying to justify his addiction.
The same overweight, overfed, overpaid schmuck appears in the second ad...which to my mind is the worse of the two. Cue smug quasi-Mediterranean gent strolling through his farm spewing some more bollocks about how his "job" is to pick the grapes at just the right time and if he messes up he needs to live with it for the rest of his life. Whatever.
In the background and between the scenes of the fat schmuck are images of farm-labourers getting up at the crack of dawn, getting the equipment together and standing by, ready for action. It becomes apparent that the fat guy isn't really going to pick the grapes (something hinted at by the fact he's waddling around in cream slacks and loafers to match).
Anyway, the fat guy saunters past his workers without so much as "howdy" and gets to a vine. He picks a grape in podgy fingers and stuffs it in his mouth.
"Not today", he pronounces and 180's and heads on back to the manor house no doubt to stuff his fat face with a ham...once again strolling past his farm labourers without a smile or an acknowledgment.
I dunno about you, but this ad is quite honestly the worst kind of self-pleasuring claptrap I've witnessed in a while. It's rubbish and if I were a wine-drinker I would want to distance myself from this brand if for nothing else other than its underlying sentiment that fat Caucasian buggers run wine farms where they screw over their workers and drink the profits.
I'm not political, but the whole thing smacks of a colonialist attitude and leaves a bitter taste in my mouth...
Score for this ad:
7 ass-suckings with an extra one for the fat bugger who just can't get diabetes fast enough for me - for a final score of 8 ass-suckings.
The first shows some smug quasi-Mediterranean gent who sneaks into his cellar and samples the wine, while spouting some ridiculous babble about grape-fermentation not being a nine-to-five job and mother Nature needing someone to keep an eye on her.
The guy just looks like a lush who drinks on the sly and is trying to justify his addiction.
The same overweight, overfed, overpaid schmuck appears in the second ad...which to my mind is the worse of the two. Cue smug quasi-Mediterranean gent strolling through his farm spewing some more bollocks about how his "job" is to pick the grapes at just the right time and if he messes up he needs to live with it for the rest of his life. Whatever.
In the background and between the scenes of the fat schmuck are images of farm-labourers getting up at the crack of dawn, getting the equipment together and standing by, ready for action. It becomes apparent that the fat guy isn't really going to pick the grapes (something hinted at by the fact he's waddling around in cream slacks and loafers to match).
Anyway, the fat guy saunters past his workers without so much as "howdy" and gets to a vine. He picks a grape in podgy fingers and stuffs it in his mouth.
"Not today", he pronounces and 180's and heads on back to the manor house no doubt to stuff his fat face with a ham...once again strolling past his farm labourers without a smile or an acknowledgment.
I dunno about you, but this ad is quite honestly the worst kind of self-pleasuring claptrap I've witnessed in a while. It's rubbish and if I were a wine-drinker I would want to distance myself from this brand if for nothing else other than its underlying sentiment that fat Caucasian buggers run wine farms where they screw over their workers and drink the profits.
I'm not political, but the whole thing smacks of a colonialist attitude and leaves a bitter taste in my mouth...
Score for this ad:
7 ass-suckings with an extra one for the fat bugger who just can't get diabetes fast enough for me - for a final score of 8 ass-suckings.
So why am I here?
Simple...to start up a personal rant page of shit that annoys me.
And what annoys me most is shitty advertising.
You see there are these advertising agencies that con their clients. I'm not naming names or pointing fingers, but sometimes you gotta wonder just how much time these drug-fueled freaks spend on the campaigns they put together.
Now this isn't a sour grapes column. None of that "DeSlant's a loser who couldn't hack it in the media world, so now he's pissing and moaning at those who did." I got a career in this industry, without the papers and nothing but talent, but that's another topic.
Nah...this is from someone who watches (and listens and reads) ads with a critical eye. "Why?" you may ask...
As I stated before, agencies take client's money and waste it. They spend 3 months getting themselves motherless and a week before deadline hard-sell some half-assed concept to a clueless client who's had so much sugar blown up his ass he's spitting cotton-candy balls...
Then they feed us this drivel and expect us as consumers to rush out and buy the product.Now of course, if you're an uneducated consumer with shit-for-brains you'll buy anything they'll sell you...and good for you for being part of the world's largest population explosion (and if you don't get that reference, you probably voted a 2nd term for Bush and a 3rd term for Mbeki and why don't you rush out and supersize your meal and die sooner so three families can use the land you live on).
On top of all that, so-called advertising schools are churning out spoilt, privileged little asswipes who don't know syntax from tic-tacs or context from Converse - but because daddy could foot the exorbitant fee-bill they're now qualified copywriters/creative directors...
Yes, there are exceptions: notably the chaps from Net#Work BBDO who created the Corsa Lite campaign and the creative director behind the new BMW SA campaign...
But by and large, agencies are full of talentless tossers...
So this is my own little rage against the machine...and besides, none of these sadasses pay my salary, so I can...
And what annoys me most is shitty advertising.
You see there are these advertising agencies that con their clients. I'm not naming names or pointing fingers, but sometimes you gotta wonder just how much time these drug-fueled freaks spend on the campaigns they put together.
Now this isn't a sour grapes column. None of that "DeSlant's a loser who couldn't hack it in the media world, so now he's pissing and moaning at those who did." I got a career in this industry, without the papers and nothing but talent, but that's another topic.
Nah...this is from someone who watches (and listens and reads) ads with a critical eye. "Why?" you may ask...
As I stated before, agencies take client's money and waste it. They spend 3 months getting themselves motherless and a week before deadline hard-sell some half-assed concept to a clueless client who's had so much sugar blown up his ass he's spitting cotton-candy balls...
Then they feed us this drivel and expect us as consumers to rush out and buy the product.Now of course, if you're an uneducated consumer with shit-for-brains you'll buy anything they'll sell you...and good for you for being part of the world's largest population explosion (and if you don't get that reference, you probably voted a 2nd term for Bush and a 3rd term for Mbeki and why don't you rush out and supersize your meal and die sooner so three families can use the land you live on).
On top of all that, so-called advertising schools are churning out spoilt, privileged little asswipes who don't know syntax from tic-tacs or context from Converse - but because daddy could foot the exorbitant fee-bill they're now qualified copywriters/creative directors...
Yes, there are exceptions: notably the chaps from Net#Work BBDO who created the Corsa Lite campaign and the creative director behind the new BMW SA campaign...
But by and large, agencies are full of talentless tossers...
So this is my own little rage against the machine...and besides, none of these sadasses pay my salary, so I can...
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